Arguments (Part 1)
Apr 23, 2014     

Picture taken from 4.bp.blogspot.com Arguments.... yeah they're bound to happen in the closest of relationships. In arguments, nobody wants to admit they're wrong. Nobody wants to change their perspectives. Everyone blames the other person, and unresolved arguments from before are brought up (sometimes for no apparent reason). Don't get me wrong, relationships NEED arguments from time to time because arguing results in change (and hopefully change for the better). So don't look at arguments being such a bad thing as a whole, it definitely has its benefits. But this isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the arguments that don't get resolved and are brought up in the future. The ones that build up and the ones that keep being brought up until someone snaps and then the relationship enters a point of no return. So how do you stop all this and have a healthy relationship?

Approaching the Argument
This is probably one of the most important things in preventing an argument. The attitude of how you approach the argument is what determines what happens next. There are many ways in communicating the message to someone. What do I mean by this? Let me give you an example:

Imagine you want to tell someone that they shouldn't leave dishes in the sink for days on end and that they should clean it as soon as possible. There are generally 2 ways you can approach the person. You can either tell them "Dude, wash your dishes! You always leave them in the sink for days on end and I'm sick and tired of cleaning up your mess. Do your own damn dishes!" Sure they will get the message, and they will probably be scared enough to not want to have you talking to them like that again. So they will do the dishes on time from now on. The other way is (to say nicely), "Hey, want to wash the dishes? There aren't any other dishes left for other people to use =)." (Yeah that was a lame example...). The difference between the first and second approach is that in the first approach, you end up having 2 problems: The dishes aren't done, you're angry, and the person that now needs to do the dishes feel bad. As with the second approach, you just have the very first problem: dirty dishes. The bottom line is never involve negative emotions when dealing with the original problem to avoid generating more unnecessary problems.

Making Decisions At The Right Time
If you decide to enter an argument, make sure you've thought it through. Make sure you know what the problem is, the possible solutions, and how you'll communicate it to your partner. But before you even decide to think about all this stuff, make sure your mind is clear and not full of emotions.

"Never make such big decisions so long after sunset and so far from dawn"- Francis Underwood

Yeah, I watch House of Cards, what other? Anyway, back on topic. The quote basically says to always make big decisions when you wake up because your mind is the most clear and chances are, you'll make the better decision. Relating this back to arguments. If you want to start an argument, think this through with a clear mind before you decide if it's really worth the trouble and time. If you've done the above and the answer is still yes, then chances are that the argument really needs to happen and things really do need to change.

Cool Down
When things are getting a little heated, take some time to cool off from one another. The thing is, when arguments get really heated, anger and other negative emotions will get in the way. Take a break from the argument before returning back to it. I know it may be hard to stop the argument halfway because you're both really into it and want to settle this as soon as possible. But when decisions are made based on negative emotion, the choice that leads to regret is usually chosen.

However... Don't Delay The Argument For Too Long
Although breaks are good in a relationship, don't put them off for too long because if this problem doesn't get resolved, another one usually comes around the corner and the problems will pile up. Sometime in the future, one or both partners will end up bringing problems from the past and well... you can see where things go from there.

Arguments can't really be avoided but it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative argument. If approached correctly, arguments can actually initiate positive change that affects both partners and in the end result in a happy future. But if done out of anger and impulsive behaviour, then the consequences could be dire (ha just kidding (or not))!

Just A Final Tip
Just one last tip for the fellas... when an argument is not a significant argument (you can be the judge of what's significant and what's not) think about this... Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy? And if you're trying to be smart and say "Well, what if being right makes me happy?" (As quoted by a close friend of mine) I'm just going to say unhappy wife = unhappy life (Unless of course you don't really care, in which that is a whole different story). Hope this helped!

Disclaimer: None of these examples were related to any stories I heard from anyone, they're purely hypothetical (yet realistic) examples that I have made up. So if anyone was offended, please don't take offense as I've targeted no one. Oh yeah, one last thing. Once the argument is over, don't forget to make up! =)


Tags: argue, arguing, argument, arguments, men vs women