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Break-ups are difficult situations to go through but everyone experiences break-ups in their lifetime (except those lucky couples that meet "the one" on their first try....those couples are exceptions from the rule). Many people feel that a certain gender, whether it'd be a boy or a girl getting dumped, get over a break-up faster than the other. Some guys may think that girls get over break-ups much faster and some girls may think that guys forget about the girl as soon as the relationship is over. There are many different opinions when it comes to break-ups. To be honest, I think that girls and guys both experience the similar pain after a break-up. However, the way girls and guys cope with break-ups can be quite different.
There are actually two kinds of break-ups:
Mutual
→ A mutual break-up is pretty self-explanatory. It is a break-up where both individuals agree that the relationship wouldn't get any better if it were to continue. Thus, both members of the party decide it is better for them to part. This is most likely the only way that the two individuals can end on good terms. An example is when both partners fall out of love for each other and decide that they shouldn't drag the relationship on any longer, thus results in a mutual break-up. However, not all mutual relationships end on good terms. Remember - a mutual break-up is when both individuals agree that the relationship should end. This does not mean both individuals are happy when they made this decision. The example I can give here is when both members are furious at each other and fighting all the time resulting in a mutual break-up.
One-way
→ A one-way break-up occurs when one person in the relationship is prepared to break-up while the other is not (so basically it is the opposite of a mutual break-up). This type of break-up is pretty self-explanatory and actually makes up about 75% of all break-ups. This typically doesn't leave the two individuals on good terms with one another (but it can, though very rare).
Either method of breaking up will leave both individuals feeling at least a bit blue as they become separated what was once their "other half". But once the break-up has happened, the individuals that were once in a relationship must survive on their own - by adapting to a new lifestyle without their other half. With that being said, I've made a list of variations that can affect how someone copes with or adapts to a break-up:
1. Personal Interests
After a break-up, it is intuitive for someone to try to find an activity to do to take their mind off of their ex. Now, personal interests come into play here because depending on what that person likes to do, he/she will most likely occupy most of their time doing this "personal activity", whether it'd be exercising, cooking, cleaning, hanging out with friends, etc to try to take their mind off of the past.
2. Reason for break-up
The reason for the break-up affects the way someone feels after. What I mean by this is, let's say for example the reason for break-up is because there is somebody else. If the girl or guy getting dumped hears this, it would most likely make them not want to trust anyone anymore or even fully commit in their next relationship due to them getting their heart broken again the same way. However, if the reason for break-up is not because of another person but something like a distance issue (neither person's fault), then the dumpee (person getting dumped) will most likely not have a trust issue but rather a hard time letting go since the break-up was due to no one's fault.
3. Length of relationship
This is very important to both people in the relationship after a break-up. The dumper (person who does the dumping) and the dumpee (person getting dumped) will be hurt much worse if they had been in a long and serious relationship compared to a short and not-so-serious relationship. Therefore, the longer or more connected the two people are in the relationship, the harder it will be for them to let go.
4. Number of previous break-ups experienced
It is intuitive to think that the more break-ups someone has been through, the easier it is for them to get through the next one. This is, in fact, not as much of a significant condition compared to the others. Sure, a person being dumped will use some of the coping mechanisms that have worked for them in the past, but to be honest, if they go through TOO many break-ups, they would start to wonder if they'll ever find that special someone out there (No offense to anyone). Basically, too many break-ups may cause someone to lose hope in relationships.
There are many other conditions or variations that can affect how someone copes with or adapts a break-up. However, the ones listed above are probably the most common and significant ones. Anyhow, onto the main topic of the difference between men (boys) and women (girls) when it comes to coping with a break-up. To make things simple, we will use an example where a break-up occurs between a healthy couple who has been together for... let's say 3 years. But recently, a person in this couple feels that they don't see a future together in their relationship, thus leading to a one-way break-up. Let's see the difference between boys and girls in this scenario:
Let's start with if the girl is the one getting dumped.
Girls (the one getting dumped)
After 1 day
→ A girl who gets dumped after 1 day will feel vulnerable and emotional. She will tell her best girlfriends while deleting all the facebook pictures, phone numbers, text messages, basically everything that reminds her of her ex. But what's funny is that WHILE she's busy getting rid of all the things that remind her of her ex, she will be reminded of ALL the times they had together DUE to her trying to look through all the pictures and deleting them. So the effect of trying to get rid of things amplifies her emotional pain. And of course, her best girlfriends come over to her house and tries to comfort her by giving her tissues for her tears and gallons of ice cream to eat.
After 1 week
→ Girl is still depressed but not crying 24/7, thus less emotional than compared to day 1. Some girls now try to find something to take their mind off of the relationship (i.e. exercise, hobbies, etc.)
After 1 month
→ Finally begins to get their act together and has the energy to do the things she loves (like shopping) and hang out with girlfriends more. By this point, the girl has finally accepted that she is no longer with her ex and that she is ready to move on. IF she sees her ex with a new girl, she will start comparing herself to the new girl and make up stuff about how she's better than the new girl - i.e. says things like the new girl is fat, or uglier than me or they don't look good together - only to make herself feel better. However, they continue to find things to do to take their mind off their ex. Now depending what type of girl they are, they will do different things. For example:
Boys (the one getting dumped)
*Just an interesting note that boys will feel just as, if not more, emotional as girls after a long and serious relationship.
After 1 day
→ Pretty much the same as girls except that they won't tell anyone (at first). Not sure about the part about getting rid of all the things that remind him of his ex. I can't speak for all guys, but for the lazy ones out there, they definitely won't do the deleting and getting rid of ex stuff, that's for sure. But everything else, is the same as girls including the emotionally vulnerable and depression (And sweat pants - - the guy will wear the most comfortable thing he can find because his emotional state is already uncomfortable, so why stress out his physical state by wearing jeans? Sweat pants (or underwear) is the way to go.)
After 1 week
→ No progression in terms of vulnerability and emotion. His sweat pants are still on but he finally, within this week, tells his best buddies about the break-up. And of course, his buddies - being guys and all, would force him to go out drinking with them to forget about his ex. Unfortunately, alcohol does some damage in terms of forgetting about your ex. 95% of the time, getting drunk after a break-up involves drunk-dialing or drunk-texting the ex-girlfriend to try to get back together with them. And when this fails, they will feel even worse than they already are. Therefore, drinking amplifies the emotional pain. Luckily, when you're in a drunk state, you hardly remember anything at all, so it's fine after that...I guess...
After 1 month
→ By 1 month, the boy finally finds a hobby to take their mind off their ex. His best buds are sticking by him, always reminding him to take his mind off that stupid **. If he sees his ex had found a new guy, he'd try to find flaws in the new boyfriend to make himself feel better (i.e. I can kick his ass, he's ugly, etc.).
Conclusion
Well, there you go, the difference between boys and girls trying to cope with a break-up. They have very similar techniques in terms of trying to get over the ex. However, I think it is safer to say that girls get over break-ups quicker only due to them being more mature. Honestly, most guys do stupid things and are lazy, that's why it takes them longer to get over someone. But ultimately, it is up to the individual to eventually adapt and accept that fact that they have to move on. Sure, they can have all the friends in the world to help them through it but when the time comes that they have to be alone, it is up to themselves to overcome the break-up.
P.S. I actually wrote the difference between how the dumper (for both boys and girls) overcomes and adapts to a break-up but I felt like these notes were getting a bit too long so if you really want to read about it, please leave a comment and I will post it! Also, for those of you who really like graphs, sorry that there weren't any graphs on this note!
Disclaimer - I'm tired of writing disclaimers, just read my other disclaimers in my other notes if you really want to read one.
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