Closure - Why It's Important
Jul 01, 2012     

The definition of closure on dictionary.com is "the act of closing." Pretty useless definition if you ask me as it doesn't explain anything. In terms of relationships, closure is when both partners have ended a relationship and all questions between the ex-couple have been answered. Actually, closure doesn't have to be between a couple per se, it can be between two people that are dealing (when two people are "together" but are unsure of their relationship - urbandictionary).

Why is closure important?
When a relationship ends (or two people finish dealing), ~99.5% of the time, there are many unanswered questions between both partners. Some questions include:

• What did we do that resulted in our break-up?
• Is there still a chance for us to get back together?
• Is there anything I can do to still fix things with my ex?

With so many unanswered questions, it is natural to feel that things aren't really over with your ex and that there is still some chance to get back with them. This is where closure comes into play. Closure is when both partners of the relationship finally get all the answers to their questions about the relationship and feel comfortable enough to know that it is time to move on. It is essentially the tying of all loose ends in the relationship.

Unfortunately, a lot of ex-couples don't have any sort of closure which results in many problems.

For ex-couples without closure that have access to each other's company (physically), they tend to stick around one another. This causes a lot of misunderstanding as both people feel that the relationship is not completely over. Tension will exist between the ex-couple, arguments will arise, and things will get physical (touchy-feely; not abusive) between them.

For ex-couples without closure that are far away from one another, the same thing happens: tension, arguments, but no physical activities (obviously). They will, however, continue communicating with each other through texts, phone calls, video calls, etc. even though they will be pissed at each other most of the time they're talking.

The problem seems to be that when couples say the relationship is over, it isn't actually over. This is the reason why closure is so important; it defines a much clearer line in the relationship that states that it is over. With closure, ex-couples can give each other answers and distance + time to accept the truth about their past relationship.

Closure - How To

1. Open up
   • Communicate
   • Answer questions
2. Be apart
   • Give each other time + space
   • Accept

1. The hardest part of closure is the first step - opening up. Near the end of the relationship, both partners most likely will have become furious and impatient with each other. People are generally stubborn as well, which is why opening up at this time of the relationship is really hard to do. The point of opening up to one another is for communicating. Why is communication necessary? Well, in order for both partners to answer each other's questions, they need to open up to one another and talk. But since they probably wouldn't want to talk to each other at this point, we'll go a step back. Instead of opening up right away, the couple should give each other some time apart to cool off and think straight. This means no forms of communication at all between the couple until the couple feels that they are ready to be mature and talk about the situation. Once the couple opens up to one another, the question and answer process becomes fairly easy.
   
   
2. The second part of closure mostly involves the couple accepting the fact that the relationship is now the past and that they can move on with their lives. If the ex-couple did the first step correctly, they wouldn't need to talk to their ex again about their leftover feelings towards one another or reuniting their love again. They would give each other space and time to heal from the past relationship and accept their past.

*Just a note that this process of closure can be painful. It isn't easy to do, and lots of tears will be shed. But this is the best way to end things off with your ex. You will not wonder or question any possibilities that could have occurred because your ex would have answered them all in the closure process (that is unless they lied - but that is a whole different story).

P.S. All anonymous questions and answers will be posted in the FAQ section (which can be found here at http://lalanote.tumblr.com/FAQ)

---

Tags: closure, why it's important, important, why its important, why
Tweet